The Faith Twist
A surprising shift inside me has occurred during the fight against the Marriage Amendment that is going to be on the ballot in MN this year. The basic tenant of the amendment is that marriage can only be between a man and woman.
I have been in partnership for 16+ years. To think that we cannot get married because faiths would not marry me was disturbing and pretty much why I walked out of church in my mid 20's and left organized Christianity.
Minnesota does not recognize marriage between same sex couples. That does not appear to be enough to insure that the definition of family and marriage is tight enough - no we need to get an amendment to our state constitution put a law on the books. The movement for the law was a faith based initiative.
Can you imagine my surprise when I felt like the struggle against this amendemnt brought me home to a community that I have grieved every year since I left it?
And I left it because of the separateness that I felt every time I pulled open the door to walk into a chapel or sanctuary. I left it when I read the church position on homosexuality - tried several times to make congruence with the message that said it was okay to think about being gay but not actually be gay, do not act on your feelings...and the eventual revolution to welcoming gay folks but not the idea that they could have families and eventually it is okay to welcome folks who were gay and had children but not our clergy, they could not be gay and now knowing gay clergy and their stuggle in the religious community continues...
I left the church when I found people saying things to me like our congregation is not ready for this conversation - made me feel like I was a secret sheep of shame in God's flock and God could see me but no one in the church could - or they could see my but I made them uncomfortable.
I tried gay only congregations but I couldn't wrap my heart around another form of segregation.
I felt so sad that acknowledging me or gay people and allowing us into the church was not worth the loss of folks that would leave it we were accepted or loved. It was quite stressful to sort out who was more valuable to the congregation. I took the lessons of owning my personal relationship with God as a Christian with sincerity and conscientiousness before and after my confirmation.
I felt most sad because I felt like my understanding of the grace and compassion of the new testament was not alive and was only available to certain people. As a child of God, I could not suffer the stress of trying to fight to be seen in the community that professed peace and compassion.
I thank God that my parents never told me they couldn't love me because I was gay. My relationship with God is ever developing but I am sure I have little to do with God's love - the fact that I was born was enough - as I understand grace. I try to honor that grace with my life however it is true in me with my spirituality.
Well - if the church was still struggling God and I could do that in my own community - the one I built with my relationship with a higher power - my faith in being open and blessed by having people around me who practiced care about others without judgement or exclusion. I could honor the grace in my life with or without the church, but I missed the church.
How could this amendment possibly bring me back to communities of faith? I mean why bother, it was the faith communities that were pushing this amendment right?
One of my friends asked me, as a spiritual person that she knew, if I would join her in coaching people in the faith communities through MN United for All Families. The coaching was on having conversations about the marriage amendment. The faith community has been training folks on how to talk with people in compassionate conversations on what the amendment means. When I say faith community I have to say - it was faiths plural. This faith community includes many faith practices, including Lutherans, Catholics, Methodist, Budhist and more. They reached out and helped educate folks.
I was trained in coaching and have been calling folks for three weeks. There is so much more work to be done but this community and talking to folks on the phone has been one of the most sincere and moving experiences I can remember.
As I have talked with people about this amendment I have been so moved by the faith community work to fight this amendment that my faith has started to grow. People are having incredibly hard conversations with integrity, compassion and grace. It is more moving than I can explain in a blog.
I feel like the faith community came back into my life in a gentle humbling and compassionate way.
I am so hopeful that we will be the first state to defeat this amendment. No matter what happens with the amendment I feel like my faith has grown wider, fuller, and I feel so much closer to people. Not people who I live with everday, but all people. If the amendment passes, and i hope it does not, this faith and grace will not go away.
Who knew, it was an amendment focused on removing rights of people that would bring me to this place. I believe good things can happen, in fact good things are happening, people are having conversations and holding their integrity. People are connecting.
If you made it all the way through this blog and want to ask me about this amendment please comment and I would be happy to get in contact with you.
If you are a member of a faith community - the power you have to connect with folks is being played out every day - I hope you join that momentum of grace and compassion and talk with people. You don't have to agree with each other, just talk to each other. It is so amazing what can happen if you just open a conversation and hear someone.
I have been in partnership for 16+ years. To think that we cannot get married because faiths would not marry me was disturbing and pretty much why I walked out of church in my mid 20's and left organized Christianity.
Minnesota does not recognize marriage between same sex couples. That does not appear to be enough to insure that the definition of family and marriage is tight enough - no we need to get an amendment to our state constitution put a law on the books. The movement for the law was a faith based initiative.
Can you imagine my surprise when I felt like the struggle against this amendemnt brought me home to a community that I have grieved every year since I left it?
And I left it because of the separateness that I felt every time I pulled open the door to walk into a chapel or sanctuary. I left it when I read the church position on homosexuality - tried several times to make congruence with the message that said it was okay to think about being gay but not actually be gay, do not act on your feelings...and the eventual revolution to welcoming gay folks but not the idea that they could have families and eventually it is okay to welcome folks who were gay and had children but not our clergy, they could not be gay and now knowing gay clergy and their stuggle in the religious community continues...
I left the church when I found people saying things to me like our congregation is not ready for this conversation - made me feel like I was a secret sheep of shame in God's flock and God could see me but no one in the church could - or they could see my but I made them uncomfortable.
I tried gay only congregations but I couldn't wrap my heart around another form of segregation.
I felt so sad that acknowledging me or gay people and allowing us into the church was not worth the loss of folks that would leave it we were accepted or loved. It was quite stressful to sort out who was more valuable to the congregation. I took the lessons of owning my personal relationship with God as a Christian with sincerity and conscientiousness before and after my confirmation.
I felt most sad because I felt like my understanding of the grace and compassion of the new testament was not alive and was only available to certain people. As a child of God, I could not suffer the stress of trying to fight to be seen in the community that professed peace and compassion.
I thank God that my parents never told me they couldn't love me because I was gay. My relationship with God is ever developing but I am sure I have little to do with God's love - the fact that I was born was enough - as I understand grace. I try to honor that grace with my life however it is true in me with my spirituality.
Well - if the church was still struggling God and I could do that in my own community - the one I built with my relationship with a higher power - my faith in being open and blessed by having people around me who practiced care about others without judgement or exclusion. I could honor the grace in my life with or without the church, but I missed the church.
How could this amendment possibly bring me back to communities of faith? I mean why bother, it was the faith communities that were pushing this amendment right?
One of my friends asked me, as a spiritual person that she knew, if I would join her in coaching people in the faith communities through MN United for All Families. The coaching was on having conversations about the marriage amendment. The faith community has been training folks on how to talk with people in compassionate conversations on what the amendment means. When I say faith community I have to say - it was faiths plural. This faith community includes many faith practices, including Lutherans, Catholics, Methodist, Budhist and more. They reached out and helped educate folks.
I was trained in coaching and have been calling folks for three weeks. There is so much more work to be done but this community and talking to folks on the phone has been one of the most sincere and moving experiences I can remember.
As I have talked with people about this amendment I have been so moved by the faith community work to fight this amendment that my faith has started to grow. People are having incredibly hard conversations with integrity, compassion and grace. It is more moving than I can explain in a blog.
I feel like the faith community came back into my life in a gentle humbling and compassionate way.
I am so hopeful that we will be the first state to defeat this amendment. No matter what happens with the amendment I feel like my faith has grown wider, fuller, and I feel so much closer to people. Not people who I live with everday, but all people. If the amendment passes, and i hope it does not, this faith and grace will not go away.
Who knew, it was an amendment focused on removing rights of people that would bring me to this place. I believe good things can happen, in fact good things are happening, people are having conversations and holding their integrity. People are connecting.
If you made it all the way through this blog and want to ask me about this amendment please comment and I would be happy to get in contact with you.
If you are a member of a faith community - the power you have to connect with folks is being played out every day - I hope you join that momentum of grace and compassion and talk with people. You don't have to agree with each other, just talk to each other. It is so amazing what can happen if you just open a conversation and hear someone.
Thank you for posting this moving story. Can I share it with our faith community at Holy Trinity?
ReplyDeleteOf course you can! Thanks for reading the blog :) and the cool things you are doing at Holy Trinity.
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