Racing Toward Gromit

When I was about 8 my parents gave me a new bike for my birthday. It was not just any bike.  It was purple with a bright sparkly vinyl purple banana seat.  It had chopper handle bars with a white shifter on the right side, that would click into one of three speeds.  I could ride it anywhere and I couldn't believe that my parents had picked this amazing bike for me. 


I would take off on that bike and ride to the Kimberly Village pool or down to the shallow Duck Creek, over to the playground or sometimes I would just ride it around the neighborhood.  I didn't particularly have anyone to ride with just my imagination.  I put playing cards in the spokes when that was the in thing to do and took them out when I thought they made my cool bike look messy.   

That same year my grandmother sewed me a soft corduroy slack and matching shirt outfit.  The material had small flowers and the background was green, the flowers gold and there were bits of red and blue and brown all over the flowers.   I wanted to wear it every day.  


My aunt Shirley, living in Hawaii,  sent me a grey and brown, hair coated, but stuffed animal -  mama Koala bear with a little baby sewn to the back of its ear.  She sent it from Hawaii and it smelled sweet and leathery at the same time.  I slept with that bear for years.


My aunt Sylvia sent me a pleated maroon wool skirt, a pullover maroon and gold striped sweater and a pair of knee high gold socks - the colors of the MN Gophers.  Guess where Sylv was going to college.  I wore that outfit with my loafers and fancied myself an elementary vogue student. 

I could hardly believe that people could see me so well - it wasn't the things they gave me it was that what they gave me felt like they saw me so clearly.  I don't remember asking for these things they just came to me though.  I felt cared about and connected a part of things. 

I have moments that are so treasured or so meaningful that I want to tell someone about so they can have the same experience.  I can try to tell folks about mine but the words just float from my mouth to the air and dissipate.  

I just cannot access a vocabulary with the right words to speak for the heart or the soul or whatever it is that joins the physical chemistry in the brain to the physical experience in the body.   

Those moments for me are so full and so present and seem like there is nothing else and no where to go but exactly where I am.  

And the thing is that they are often moments that are shared with another person, another soul - dog, cat, star, moon, lake, bird song...doesn't mean the other being has the same experience just for me, that I am connected in the universe in a way that makes me feel good and full and like there is enough....

I struggle with how to walk without judgement and yet stand strong and confident in the world.  I am not flimsy.  I am very interested and open to pulling up the next level and putting roots deeper into the earthiness of the universe's compassion.  

I have practiced this more and more in my work/training with Gromit and Chewie.   I know that sounds kind of weird but I guess I try really hard to pull up the next level, to see without judgement what is happening and try to figure out how to connect more.  That means I might have to let go of having my way.  

If I dig my heels in on an agility session or any shaping I am doing it becomes an exercise of control.  It is no longer about working together.  It is about getting my way. 

Our agility instructor always says to walk a course three times - once to figure out the order of the course, once to create plan and once to see what your dog sees.  

I try to see what the Gromit sees in more than agility.  I try to see what it is like when I am offering up dog treats - does one get a different response than another?  

What senses does Gromit use when we are walking?  What is different about the car that he lunges at vs the 100 that he doesn't lunge at?  Maybe it isn't the car maybe it is something about the street and the car together - what are all the things that Gromit sees - hears - smells - what collar are we using - harness, head halter, neck collar - does that matter?  What is the threshold for when he notices the car?  

 I look at him, I listen to him, I listen to myself, I watch myself.   

I used to look everywhere but at Gromit to anticipate his reactiveness.  Suzanne Clothier suggested that I needed to look at Gromit, pay attention to Gromit - then he would know I was there with him, walking and it was the best.  I was not looking for something better that him.

It all seems so obvious sometimes and not so much at other times.  When he leans into me with his backend and I scratch him near his tail he stays for a long time.  If I pick up his paw he pulls it back and yawns.  

If I hide behind a tree and call him he comes running with a smile.  If we are in an open field and I run the other way he races after me.  If I go too long in training he starts to wander off slowly.  If I do a nose work hide that is too hard he wanders with a half hearted nose and slows way down. 

When he works slowly he is not trying to control me, he is not stupid, he is not lazy - there is something preventing him from finding the scent.  If I watch him I can figure out where he catches the scent.  I can help him without pointing at it - maybe stand to make the air flow more obvious, add a treat, move the scent up or down.  Always figure out how to be successful.
  
Funny because in many ways I doubt that Gromit thinks about feeling connected to the universe.  I am pretty sure he is connecting with me.  He tells me when he gets it tells me how to help if he doesn't get it - if I just watch him.

If it is not working we stop.  We find something more fun that work both brains together.  

Sometimes he starts a game without me - like playing red light green light down the stairs.  He doesn't always do it - he sometimes does it.  Sometimes I start it.

No matter who starts a game, when we both know we are playing it is so much more fun.   I think it is important to play when he asks once in a while.  I am out for Gromit and I hanging together and sorting out what we do well together and figuring out what makes him want to race toward me.  Because that sends me racing toward Gromit.