Be Here Now

Honoring the Charge - 

You can learn more about a person in an hour of play than in a lifetime of conversation.  Plato

Not everyday, but once in a while I have to remind myself what is important to me - because I can get lost in all the stuff around me - - I start thinking that education makes you smart - or money makes you powerful - or if someone drops over and my house is dusty I am not a clean person  - if my dog has a title I am a better person and my dog is smart...

I have a love hate relationship with competition.  I don't really bond with competition very easily.  I can count on one hand the times in my life when I truly let competition drive me and frankly it scared me.  I didn't really care for the Heidi I was in those moments - I was full of ego or so it seemed to me.  

I clearly remember one time when I played racquetball against a fellow music major in college.  She told me she would probably beat me but we could play.  I will never know for sure why she thought I could not bring a game - but suffice it to say the game ended in my favor 21-0.  It was not one of my finer moments in my opinion - really winning isn't everything. 

Another time - I was playing a game of Hearts - a silly card game with friends while sitting around a campfire in the Boundary Waters.  I totally freaked people out by completely bluffing.  It was unsettling to these guys, ask Kristin, I don't think she has gotten over it to this day.   Truly, you don't want your friends to be off center with you while you are traveling with limited resources in remote wilderness.  You want people who feel like they can trust themselves - and presenting myself in a way they never expected was not exactly a settling experience for them or the trip. 

I suppose you could argue my best performance happened though - I mean after all I won right? 

Yeah - I am just not so sure.  I don't really like that Heidi.  I think this all comes up because I am going to take Gromit to his second NW1 trial and I am nervous that we aren't going to get the title.  I don't have the same control here - we are a team. 

At first I didn't tell ANYONE that I entered us.  When I got in I didn't really advertise it either.  I had this thought that maybe if I didn't tell anyone I could just go with Gromit and we wouldn't have any stress and no one would know if we didn't get our title and if we did we could announce it and it would be one of those crazy moments when no one expected us to come with game.  

Somewhere in my brain I had decided that no one thought we had game.  When I sat with that though, I had to realize I was worried if I thought I had game.  This had nothing to do with anyone but me.   Most importantly it has nothing at all to do with Gromit.  

Then I thought, oh I am going to ask our instructor if we should go - like it will be his fault if we don't get the title - yeah I don't think so, that didn't really work either... 

I had to almost concretely sit and talk to myself about all the people in this dog community who have supported Gromit and I in so many ways to do agility, nose work, manage reactiveness, and just have fun! 

Then I sat with Gromit.  I noticed Gromit and how he followed me everywhere in the house food or no food.  How he looked hopeful to go with me if I left, how he greeted me when I arrived home from work or a quick trip to the store - he was always there just being with me.  

There are dogs that are bred for racing, agility, herding, therapy, guiding, sniffing, helping, tricks, looks - I wanted a dog with good hips that would run and join me in play.  I got Gromit.  I read about his parents hips, and their parents hips, and had him tested - his hips are beautiful.  He has slipped and gotten hurt in agility, he has had lymes, and he has run into things at the park.  He also has a pension for eating stuff, have I mentioned that?  He is not bullet proof.   I also got a smart dog that for the most part would offer up behaviors and shape them pretty quickly.  I got a sensitive dog who would notice any change in his environment.  I got a dog who wishes I would just chill out - and that is ironic

Kristin and I picked Gromit and we knew he might have some challenges.  

Here is where I am at today - I adore this white goofball.  I think am going to walk up to the start line at the trial with the best dog there - the best dog for me, my favorite dog at the trial.  I think he will find odor - I think he will do his job - he ALWAYS does - he does what he thinks I want him to do and he loves the bonus of a treat or six.   I will do my job, paying attention to him and not telling him what to do - I will give him time, and attention and respect and treats - lots of treats and ear scratches.  I will act like he is the only dog I have for the two days we are together.  

I might screw up and call something wrong.  But I totally think Gromit is on and  I have the best dog and I will continue to think I am the best person for Gromit.  Not everyone gets to see all the nuances of being a Gromit...but I do. 

I will not flip the ego coin of winning over to the ego of losing. Both seem to bring out that defeating and narcissistic essence of me.  

I will honor the charge - I will walk where Gromit walks.  And I'll remember its all about the fun -