Bring it on - whatever it is that is next....

Karma – I really don’t know much about it past ‘what goes around comes around ’ as the simile for Karma. I have an instant karma about things like parking tickets and speeding. The universe has reprimanded me immediately for such infractions. Probably the universe making sure I don’t get so far out of check that the extended universes end trying to compensate for me.

In other areas, karma has come back to me still biting but taking its sweet time. Such has been my experience with the aging process. Case in point – Years ago I worked in a job where I was searching and screening resources for folks to use through an Employee Assistance Program. I was provided an opportunity to help build the next level of the software tool we used to store our information and provide insight to the technology team on what was needed from my user experience. I remember having one therapist, a primary user of the system, who insisted we think about font size in the application. I couldn’t believe she would take 10 minutes of every hour on this project to discuss this ridiculous issue. For heaven’s sake just change the settings on your personal PC.

This was about 10 years ago and if you zoom to the current here is where it all comes back around - I now work in technology and am constantly interfaced with decisions around requirements that are written by people who are younger, drive life much faster and have little time for technologists who are busy thinking about things like – can all that fit on the screen so we can actually read it? How do you tell the up and coming prince and princesses that they need to slow down and consider that having it all is not necessarily what they want?! I can’t read their tiny requirements that they insist need to be on a single spreadsheet. More importantly they think we are creating an application that will be viewable only by the general population under the age of 40 who have no sight impairments. Isn’t there any consideration for special needs in this world? What ever happened to carrying out the primary functions of our jobs. Alas….

My parents taught me a thing or two about lightness and the humility of laughing at myself. They taught me how admitting my own mistake and not being afraid to admit it can disarm a situation. If I take myself a little less seriously and consider my intentions and how they might have been interpreted, I can also imagine that other folks’ intentions were with the same kindness and not stupid or mean, maybe they were gullible or simply impulsive.

This essence of lightness has served me well as I attempt to tolerate the aging process with any sense of gracefulness. I am not happy about the fact that seeing this blog gets harder each month. I have started to act annoyed when someone asks me about the ingredients in something rather than explain I can’t read them. I don’t tell anyone except Kristin that I am starting to avoid driving at night. I have become relieved instead of offended if someone completes my thought – we could be up all night waiting for me to think of the right word to finish a sentence. The oddest to me though, it seems that my mind has taken to speaking without warning or at least sans the normal editing of an adult that has grown with manners or understands tact. I have found myself having to relearn how to listen and not interrupt and to sip water before speaking in heated discussions at work. Alas…woe always me – LOL!

Some of this can be traced far back into the Kyllo and Roskaft family genes. Some go back to the Thorson’s. Once my grandfather picked up meat from the meat market for his family and another family. The butcher had marked what each package was but my grandfather had to sort and freeze the meat. In haste he marked the meat as he put it in the freezer using my grandmother’s name for their meat – Leo (short for Lenore). To this day I still giggle to myself when I think about pulling out the roast marked in haste – ‘Leo’s Rump Roast.’ He wasn’t paying attention to what he was doing, but let me tell you that didn’t go over quite as well with my grandmother as it did for years with the rest of us. Regardless I would like to thank my parents for teaching me how to laugh at the ridiculous.

My mother, and her mother and myself often have misconstrued certain familiar sayings – like six of one half dozen of another – I thought it was six and one and half dozen - my Virgo self could just not wrap around how those were equal but knowing it was a common saying I tried using it once. The first time, I think Kristin let it slide, but the second time – she looked at me and asked me to repeat what I was saying and then explained the error of my ways. Sometimes, my brain, which unlike many of my friends who are studied, or writers, or just paid more attention does seem to have more fragmented memory than other people. I get the general idea but just seem to miss on the exact words. So in these times my family choses to laugh at themselves in embarrassment rather than take on anger that can sometimes come when one makes a mistake.

This year we took a trip to Orlando and I have to say I couldn’t believe the number of things that I misread including road signs, menus and Disney signs – seriously who can’t read what Mickey has written in the air? – I started to wonder is it my eye sight, is this the sudden onset of menopause, or worse yet, am I losing my mind?

So here are a few from our trip to Florida. I started by trying to pack the shampoo – I looked our normal trip bag and saw that it had conditioner already and all I needed to do was locate a travel size bottle of shampoo. I did – Shampure by Aveda, but alas, the bottle was small and not full – so I took it in the bathroom and filled it from our large stash. When we got to the hotel in Florida, Kristin asked me where I might have packed the shampoo??? I told her it was in a travel bottle in the trip kit – she could only find conditioner – apparently I added the shampoo to a bottle of conditioner – I didn’t see that on the label – argh matey!

Then while out jogging I ran by a sign at the Walgreen’s that read HI NI available. By the time I jogged back by the sign I read it with serious intent because for the last 20 minutes I had been trying to figure out what that sign said – why would everybody be interested in this Hi Ni? Suddenly I started laughing out loud – OH H1 N1 – the flu shot was available . When I got back to the hotel I told Kristin about this experience and we both cracked up because apparently she had seen the same sign and had the exact same thought about it – she started in on having the hi ni – she was sick during our vacation and I told her we should have made our first stop the Walgreens and she might have stayed healthy the whole trip – who knew?

It didn’t stop there I read something about the fabulous Antarctica when it was really fabulous attractions in the Magic Kingdom. Then I got home and was joking with one of my friends and told her to put the metal to the pedal if we were going to be on time to the movie – Kristin gave me a sideways glance and there was this dead silence in the car – it took me about 30 seconds to figure out what I had actually said…LOL

It is still coming around – I feel like it’s coming round the mountain right now – is that how menopause feels? Sometimes if hits me like a tidal wave, or ton of bricks or something…will my memory ever give me words like it used to do? Will I ever again feel like I can drive at night without worry? Alas, I have succumbed to the knowledge that flashes of brilliance will be further and fewer between and it would be good to laugh at myself when I make mistakes and when I am humbled. I will try to avoid the sense of humiliation and resolve to pace it a step at a time – there is no loss in enjoying the moments, humorous, full, and graciousness of time. I have an endearing memory of my grandmother and I playing duets and she missed a key change and we would laugh hysterically and then she would start to cry she was laughing so hard - turns out she had the wrong glasses on - if that is what I have to look forward to, then let the laughter begin!